When Dreams Attack

Remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where Kate Capshaw is in the tunnel with all the bugs, and turns over her hand to discover, oh, I don’t know, THE SCARIEST THING EVER sitting on her palm?

I couldn’t even do an image search for it; that’s how much that scene panics me. (Recall, if you will, that I have a little thing about bugs.) I had to settle for the monkey brains moment instead.

Anyway, the Kate Capshaw Bug decided to hang out in my dream last night. I dreamed that I was in the new house, putting stuff together, when I came across it sitting in a drawer holding a screwdriver and trying to undo my efforts. It was much scarier and much less funny than it sounds, especially when it dropped the screwdriver and started chasing me, and then flew off of a high shelf to land squarely in my lap.

Next time a character from Indiana Jones decides to make an appearance in my dreams, I would like to respectfully request that a be-costumed Harrison Ford show up in place of the most horrifying creature on earth. Thx.

Something Else I Never Wear, And Wore On Wednesday

This.

(You’ll understand what’s going on in this photo, what with the hat and all, when you see the segment.)

And, well, I don’t have many reasons to wear bathing suits generally at the moment, it being March, but what I’m talking about in particular is this retro-ish Freya suit (I wish you could see the cut better in this photo; it’s similar to this one). I love those high-waisted bottoms and fuller-coverage tops when I see them in magazines, but I always thought they would look sort of frumpy on.

Ding ding ding! Style Evolution Moment #2. (Two in one day!)

As it turns out, I felt way better with a touch more coverage than I ever have in the littler bikinis I usually gravitate towards: sexier, more elegant, and even…oh, dear…a little more age-appropriate.

Oh, and?

There was this one time that I was swimming on a beach in California with a whole bunch of people whom I really didn’t know very well - they were mostly friends-of-a-friend - and decided to try to body-surf a wave. And you know how body-surfing never really works, and you mostly just end up dog paddling frantically while the wave moseys right on by?

Well, this time it worked.

And I found myself careening towards shore on the crest of a wave - it was all much more “terrifying” than “exciting”, have to say - and was shortly thereafter deposited onto a very hard patch of sand directly in front of all those people whom I did not know very well. Oh, and then? The wave decided to just go ahead and take my string bikini back out into the ocean for safekeeping.

So I was bikini-less, in front of a really enormous lot of people (did I mention that there were a lot of people?), and doing this weird little flailing-burrowing thing while I tried to hide myself in the (inch) of water remaining on the sand after the wave washed back out.

It was not my finest moment.

Anyway, this is all to say that these events likely wouldn’t have transpired had I been wearing a slightly more reasonable swimsuit.

Like these.

Product info after the jump.

L to R: Anthropologie ($68), Betsey Johnson ($84), Anthropologie ($108), Delia’s ($32.50)

Broke Tusk. Am Sad.

You know that horn thing I wear all the time?

Like, all the time?

Broke it.

Sad about it.

(And no, no super-gluing…there are about a million little pieces going on up there.)

But…

but…

but…

!!!!

It’s not exactly the same - or at least it’s not the same brand, and appears to be a bit more orange than its predecessor - but it’s close enough. Unfortunately, it’s also nearly a hundred bucks, which dampens my excitement somewhat.

So I also found a couple of less expensive tusk-ish options.

Still like the coral one best.

Arrr.

Product info after the jump.

Kenneth Jay Lane ($93); Asos ($8); Belle Noel ($45)

Last Night, Between 6PM And 8PM…

…all of these things happened:

- Bought cookies to bring to one of my best friends, who just gave birth, and left store without box.

- Returned to now-five-blocks-away store for cookies.

- Went to the wrong hospital. Twice. With a very grumpy baby who did not care one whit that he was about to meet his new BFF in tow.

- Went home.

- Cried a little (see: aforementioned grumpy baby).

- Chopped onions for dinner, put onions on stove, and promptly forgot about onions’ existence.

- Burned onions.

- Picked up pan full of burned onions with wrong side of oven mitt.

- Burned self.

- Dropped onions on floor.

- Wrangled two highly excitable dogs away from onions and into bedroom.

- Forgot to turn on flame underneath pasta.

- Required approximately six times the normal amount of time to make dinner as a consequence.

Oh, and then I was all, you know what? Tonight has really sucked. I think I’ll use one of my fancy skin-brightening pads so at least I look pretty when I wake up tomorrow.

But I couldn’t open the packaging, so I tried to peel it apart with my teeth…

And gave myself a plastic cut on my lip. Which, in case you’re wondering, is the equivalent of a paper cut, but made with plastic, and even less fun. And so I came to the conclusion that I was completely over everything, and went to bed at an embarrassingly early hour.

The only good thing that I have to say about last night is that it is not happening any more.

Can I Just Say?

Yesterday, thanks to a little creature whose very favorite thing is practicing his yowling skills at 2AM, I was so tired that when I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of a meeting, I stood in front of an open sliding door and pawed at the lock like a monkey, trying to figure out how to open…the open sliding door. Someone had to help me. For seriously. Miraculously, the people with whom I was meeting did not immediately have me escorted from the building with a pat on the back and a thankyouverymuchdon’tcalluswe’llcallyou.

(Speaking of this meeting, I have some fantastic news coming up shortly. I am SO FREAKING EXCITED. I’ll tell you soon.)

Anyway, today I feel slightly less tired. I think I’ll be able to manage opening doors without assistance, at the very least.

Also:

Internet friendships are great.

Our nanny, Ella, is great.

My kid? Great. Cute. So’s his dad.

Last night I won a very, very spectacular bag in a raffle. I’ve never won a raffle before. Great!

Oh, and it’s almost the weekend. That’s great, too.

Happy Thursday! You? Are great.