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Last night we went to see a movie in a completely empty theater. This was an excellent thing, because I screamed - SCREAMED - my way through about 60% of it. And I’m usually more of an occasional yelper than a screamer.

Piranha 3D is maybe the simplest movie I’ve ever seen. It’s almost certainly the most grotesque movie I’ve ever seen. It’s positively pornographic (look for the really really (really) long girl-on-girl mermaid scene), and its humor is ridiculously juvenile. Watching this movie is like calling in sick to work, eating an entire box of doughnuts, drinking a 6-pack of cheap beer, and dancing around to Britney Spears before settling in for a little America’s Funniest Home Videos with a stack of Archies propping up your feet. And you know what that sounds like to me? FUN.

It will absolutely be considered by some to be the lowest of the low: an irredeemable, disgusting, obvious, dumb piece of trash. But I think that the people who will disregard this movie are probably pretty enamored of their own sophistication, and likely don’t believe that entertainment for entertainment’s sake has a real place in the world. Which is to say, lots of people I don’t particularly want to hang out with will insist that it’s a bad movie, refusing to allow any further discussion of the matter.

It is not a bad movie. I am not joking one little bit when I say that I think that Piranha 3D is a freaking masterpiece. Look, obviously it’s not Braveheart, Shawshank Redemption, Silence of the Lambs - it’s not even Seven - but it’s not trying to be. It clearly puts forth the thesis that boobs and guts are pretty damn entertaining…and you know what? They are. I could say that it’s tongue-in-cheek, but I wouldn’t call it a wink; I’d call it a billboard with the words, “Isn’t this awesome?!” printed across it in huge red letters. This movie is exactly what a movie called “Piranha 3D” should be…and as these kinds of films go, this is as good as it gets.

P.S. You can buy the poster pictured above HERE.

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…a few of my favorite Love-type memories from the past few months.

A Nissan Altima and a Dream

Corolla!

Raiders of the Lost Ark…On an Aircraft Carrier

On the Agenda Tonight

One More Time, For The Cheap Seats

Everything Ogunquit (and Barnacle Billy’s)

Kendrick vs. The Bugs

Coney Island Saturday

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.

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Yesterday afternoon I was invited to attend a wine tasting hosted by Trapiche (@trapichewine) and catered by Hill Country BBQ. I thought long and hard about whether or not to accept. Two hours filled with Argentinian Malbecs, brisket, and pecan pie? Mehhh.

It was amazing.

Argentina is famous for BBQ, and has the highest per capita consumption of meat in the world (this info all comes courtesy of Carla, a winemaker from Trapiche and our host for the afternoon). Argentine BBQ (asado) differs from American BBQ because it is cooked over indirect heat (white-hot coals) rather than open flame. There’s no marinating involved - just a lot of salt - and the meat is often cooked a la cruz style, with the whole animal placed on a cross over indirect heat for 4-5 hours. This results in meat that is so tender it can almost be eaten with a spoon (pant).

The goal of the tasting: to see how classic Argentine Malbecs pair with American-style BBQ.

Verdict: Very, very well. Everything was delicious, and the pairings were spectacular, but my favorite pairing was the Trapiche Oak Cask Malbec (super fruity and easy to drink; $10.99 tops) with Hill Country’s Longhorn Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese. My favorite overall wine was the Trapiche Single Vineyard Malbec, Vina Adolfo Ahumada 2007 (cherries and a hint of spiciness; about $26), which was one of the stars of a program Trapiche has developed to pay tribute to the individual growers.

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These coats - both discovered at Bloomingdale’s during Sunday’s shopping excursion - got me all excited for long walks through crunching leaves. I am so over this heat, and so ready to enter Pumpkin Spice Latte and Mittens Land.

This (faux) Fur-Trimmed Parka ($248), by Free People  is a perfect expression of my most passionate parka dreams. It is very thin, alas, and only lined through the torso, so it’s doubtful it’d work past November…but hey, layering’s always an option when something is this gorgeous.

And this Perfectly Plaid Coat ($298; also by Free People) is much, much, much cuter in person than it looks in this picture: it has super-wide bell sleeves, lace detailing on the inside, and a collar that looks fantastic turned up around your ears. Add poofy white earmuffs, and you’re set.

P.S. Want a Pumpkin Spice Latte now? The Kitchn has a great DIY Starbucks recipe.

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Via StumbleUpon, the most jaw-droppingly unhealthy new menu selections from your local eateries. The list includes Friendly’s Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt (pictured above; yikes), Applebee’s Provolone-Stuffed Meatballs with Fettuccine, and a grilled cheese sandwich from Denny’s that actually incorporates deep-fried cheese sticks (so help me, I think this sounds delicious).

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I almost wish that yesterday evening had been the last night of summer, because it was just that perfect.

After a long and very successful day of shopping with Mom (I bought skintight black bellbottoms that are amazing and I will not let you tell me otherwise and the Aqua blazer I’m wearing in the above picture) I met up with Kendrick in the Meatpacking District for a cobblestoned stroll and some sushi.

After dinner, we headed down to the Rusty Knot to watch the sun set. (I had a pickle back.)

The menu at the Rusty Knot is limited, but interesting (trying the chicken liver and bacon sandwich on my next trip). But you’re not really there for the food; you’re there for the awesome atmosphere (love the striped ’70s-style chairs) and the nightly show, featuring an unbeatable view of the sun as it slips into the Hudson.

Tuleste Market anklet & bangles (sample provided by manufacturer), DKNY horn necklace, David Lerner tank, Fifi & Elvis heels (from TJ Maxx).

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Only one week left of summer, so do it up right for the next few days by eating as many hamburgers as possible. Preferably in a backyard, while wearing a bathing suit.

Matt’s Black-and-Bleu Burger

1. In a large bowl, mix together ground meat and bleu cheese.

2. Fry up bacon in a pan, and set aside. Cook the burgers in the same pan you used to fry the bacon.

3. Meanwhile, in a separate pan, toast buns with a little bit of garlic powder.

4. Serve burgers topped with bacon and whatever else you like, alongside a salad of tomatoes and cucumbers tossed with rice vinegar, olive oil, basil, pepper, and salt.

Growl.

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On Saturday evening, Morgan hosted a little dinner in celebration of the fact that both of our husbands were out-of-state for the weekend.

Morgan’s tip for floating centerpieces: when you place the candles in the water they may sink momentarily (making them decidedly difficult to light), so either place the candles in the bowl before filling with water or put them in well ahead of time, giving the wicks enough time to dry out in the event you have a little mishap.

I went over early to bring sangria and to help her set up, but we ended up spending most of the prep time taking photos with Cooper instead. Wouldn’t you? Too cute.

On the menu: chicken enchiladas with refried beans, spicy yellow rice, mango margaritas, and Vanessa’s legendary guacamole.

Vanessa’s tip for perfect guacamole: Add a dash of cumin.

For dessert, Morgan made S’mores Brownies, which tasted unbelievable, but which I also could not photograph attractively if my life depended on it. So that’s the photo I ended up with. See how I set the food off to one side and left the crumbs in the shot for artistic impact? (Sigh.)

Anyway, you should make them, because they taste fantastic. All you do is line a brownie pan with graham cracker crumble, then fill with brownie mix and bake as instructed. Just before serving, top with marshmallows and place under the broiler for a few minutes, until marshmallows are nice and melty.

See how happy they made Michelle? Happy.

After dinner, I was wrangled into stopping by Brother Jimmy’s for PBRs and a little twirling.

Can the boys go away again…soon? (Kidding, sweetie, welcomebackloveyou!)

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New favorite polishes: Essie Secret Stash (left) on fingers (just one coat for a sheer, summery look; 2 coats for bolder color come fall) and Mink Muffs (taupe with the faintest hint of violet) on toes.

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Today’s trip to Carl Schurz park consisted just of me and the kids. Far more relaxing than last weekend’s outing, to be sure, but Lucy and Virgil missed Morgan and Cooper (they told me so). This time I just munched on Two Boots and shared my Poland Spring with the puppies - no fancy brie & sangria, alas - but I did learn how to keep flowers fresher longer, thanks to a nearly uninterrupted hour in the company of Allure (trim the stems at an angle, cut off any leaves that will be submerged, and add a pinch of sugar, a squeeze of lemon, and a few drops of bleach to the water).

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I’ve never eaten banh mi before. Shameful, I know. Happily, I corrected that little problem earlier this afternoon at Baoguette, a Vietnamese sandwich shop in Gramercy that Kendrick frequents for lunch. It was perfection (and just $5!): crunchy-on-the-outside-soft-on-the-inside baguette, fresh cilantro, and deliciously salty, crackly pork (plus a pungent, sexy shot of pork liver). I would have liked more cilantro and some cucumber, but that’s quibbling, because oh my god, was it good. And now I want to do a city-wide hunt for more, and more, and more.

Two places I’m hoping to take for a test run: Nha Toi (for banh mi pho, filled with beef, star anise and cinnamon) and Nicky’s Vietnamese Sandwiches (for a classic version apparently done quite perfectly).

Any more suggestions?

Image via NYTimes.

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Q. Dear Jordan,

First of all: Greetings from Munich! I’ve been a fan of your blog for quite awhile and I could really use your help right now. Next week I’m going to visit New York for the very first time (I’m really excited) and since I don’t really know anybody in the city I hoped you could help me out with some advice. Basically I’m just looking for a few nice places where one can grab a bite for breakfast/lunch/dinner or a drink in the evening.

Thanks very much in advance!

Best,
Olivia

A. I get this question from readers coming to NYC all the time, and it’s one of my favorite to answer. My top NYC must-sees & -dos:

- Bars: Fat Cat NYC (live jazz and every game imaginable, from billiards to chess), SPiN (Susan Sarandon’s ping-pong bar; also offers good food at in-house restaurant Ducks), the Breslin (in the Ace Hotel; excellent pickle-back shots), Raines Law Room (speakeasy vibe and decadent cocktail list), The Diamond (a Brooklyn bar done exactly the way you want it to be), The Patriot Saloon (Kendrick’s rec; it’s majorly cheap and majorly dive-y), and The Frying Pan (beers…on a boat!).

- Restaurants: Trattoria Casa Di Isacco (total hole-in-the-wall secret find), Menkui Tei ($8 ramen; my new favorite place in the world), Nobu (if you’ve never been, a visit to NYC is a good time to change that), 44 1/2 (for brunch) and 44 & X (for pre-theater dinner), Essex (very boozy, scene-y brunch), Minetta Tavern (go early, maybe sit at the bar, and definitely drink a martini), and Casellula (if you like cheese, there is no better restaurant in the entire city).

- This walk, which includes free hotdogs and an excellent, affordable brunch spot.

- This one, which includes some of the best pizza in the city and a museum dedicated to the man who inadvertently bestowed upon me one of my favorite possessions.

- And this one, which includes neon drinks, board games, and indie jewelry.

- Some must-do touristy-type things: spend an afternoon at the Museum of Natural History (stand under the whale), take a ferry ride around the island, eat a pastrami sandwich at Katz’s Deli, window-shop on 5th Avenue (and for-real shop on Broadway below Bleecker), hit The Highline (followed by a sunset drink at the Rusty Knot), stop into St. Patrick’s Cathedral, and eat a dirty-water dog and something from a Rafiqi Food Cart (they’re all over).

Native NYCers…anything to add?

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I’ve written before about Serendipity, which is my favorite neighborhood wine shop both because the owners are the nicest people in the world and because they offer frequent (and fantastic) free wine tastings (often with cheese pairings).

The other night I stopped in to pick up a bottle of Vinho Verde, and was coerced (it was tough) into trying Labrusca’s lightly sparkling Rosso Secco ($16.95; there’s also a Bianco). A sparkling red…sort of weird, right? But it’s only a few more weeks before I start making my annual transition away from whites (I’m one of those white-in-summer/red-in-winter types), and I think this fruity, light wine will be just the ticket as the leaves start to turn. (FYI, it’s low-alcohol, so feel free to drink in copious quantities; it pairs well with pasta.)

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Come winter, I really want to be wearing a parka, and I really really really want it to be slouchy and sexy with a big hood.

The above Cynthia Steffe parka is my dream look.

Vie Society posted about this amazing Juicy parka ($698), which I would 100% be trying to rationalize purchasing if it had full-length sleeves, but as it is/does not I’m going to have to skip it (our landlord is probably thrilled to hear this, as it means next month’s rent check will not be running around on my back).

This La Redoute version is a fair approximation, and at 119 pounds (UK website) far more wallet-friendly.

This Puffy Studded Parka ($48) is straightforward and pretty damn sexy (I’d probably wear it exactly as pictured above, but think it would be extra stunning over a tiny, bare minidress a la Cynthia Steffe). It lacks my much-desired hood, but you can’t really beat $48.

I love love love army supply stores, and also love love love this Alpha N-3B Parka ($139). Hello, authenticity…and likely actual warmth (I usually freeze my way semi-stylishly through the winter months, but am thinking I might enjoy actually being cozy this year). Of the bunch, I suspect it’s the one I’m most likely to actually buy (and wear constantly). [Update: Never mind. My mom says it’s ugly, and has forbidden me to buy it.]

And of course we will probably need to pick up a matching set of these for the kids. Eek.

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My two take-home lessons from this video:

1. I am a pretty adventurous eater, but I don’t think I could eat this.

2. Anthony Bourdain is sexy on a stick, even (especially?) when consuming fetal duck eggs. Goodness gracious, is that man ever charming.

(Thanks to reader Jan for alerting me to the existence of this delicacy :) )

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Kendrick likes peas.

I like Kendrick.

Ergo, last night I constructed the dish pictured below.

Very excellent, flavorful stuff, and very easy & inexpensive - about 35 minutes start-to-finish, and approximately $20 for the whole shebang (serves 2 with potential for leftovers).

What you need:

4-6 chicken thighs (I use 6 because I like eating the rest cold for lunch the next day)

4 large-ish shallots

3-4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced

1 cup chicken broth

1 cup white wine

2 packages frozen peas

1 tbsp butter

1/2 tsp lemon juice

Olive oil

Salt & pepper

What you do:

1. Preheat the oven to 450F.

2. Heat a couple tablespoons of olive oil in a large, heavy-bottomed pot (you need one with a lid). Generously season the chicken with salt & pepper and brown in the pot (about 4 minutes on each side should do it).

3. Meanwhile, parboil the unpeeled shallots in a pot of boiling water for 5 minutes, and then immediately remove with a slotted spoon and set in a bowl of ice water to halt the cooking process. When cool, peel and cut any especially large pieces in half.

4. Remove the browned chicken to a bowl.

5. Add the shallots and sliced garlic to the pot and saute over low heat (stirring constantly) for a minute or so.

6. Add the chicken broth and 3/4 cup white wine to the pot. Return the chicken to the pot and give it all a good stir. Bring to a boil.

7. Cover the whole thing and stick in the preheated oven for about 20 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through.

8. Remove the chicken pieces to a clean bowl and return the pot (with shallots & sauce) to the stovetop. Pour in the frozen peas and the rest of the white wine and cover. Steam 2-3 minutes, or until peas are tender. Finish by stirring in the butter and a squeeze of lemon.

9. Serve by spooning shallot/pea mixture onto a plate and topping with a couple of chicken thighs and a little sauce.

I served the dish alongside organic grape tomatoes sprinkled with Artisan Murray River salt; I eat these things like popcorn. It would also be lovely alongside some rice or roasted potatoes.

P.S. I am having to cook dinner earlier and earlier so as to have a bit of natural light to shoot with. Since I don’t want to be eating around 3PM come December…anyone have any suggestions re: how to make food look pretty in artificial light with minimal fuss?

Tuleste Market bangles; Essie Secret Stash nailpolish.

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Cynthia Rowley Dress-Up Band-Aids! And speaking of Cynthia Rowley, love these Tahitian Bliss Standard Shams (amazing spilling across a plain white bed, no?), this Grommet Hat (with a bright plaid scarf in the fall), and this Owl Ring (because it is an OWL).

Thanks to fellow frequent faller @JustFlourishing (via Vie Society) for the rec.

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I get to eat the more-or-less-uncontested “City’s Best Lobster Roll” on my couch. While watching Entourage.

Bazillions of other sites have shouted from the rooftops about this place, so let me just give you a wrap-up: apparently it is the best freaking lobster roll in the world (outside of Maine, of course). Although it is certainly delicious, I don’t agree that it’s the absolute best, because I like my lobster rolls quite mayo-y (for example, I like Pearl Oyster Bar’s much better)…but I seem to be in the minority here: every single blogger on the entire planet seems to think the things are the Second Coming.

This Village Voice article does an excellent side-by-side review of Luke’s and Pearl’s. In a nutshell: if you like your lobster rolls practically naked (just a smidgen of mayo, celery salt, & pepper) and reasonably priced, go to Luke’s (the plain roll - no sides - is $14, but I advise going for the “Seafood Schooner” - for $2 extra you get chips and a soda). If, like me, you’re a fan of mayo, table service, and the option of a beer with your roll, Pearl’s (much more expensive, at around $29) is the place to go.

(I’m not into jalapeno chips or Sarsaparilla - basically spicy cream soda with a hint of wintergreen - but my husband loves them, so there you go. Pickle? Mine!)

P.S. Apologies for the photos - I am clearly incapable of taking an attractive shot of a lobster roll to save my life. HERE is a better shot of one of Luke’s creations.

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Morgan recently got some good news, so yesterday evening we decided to celebrate in the best possible way:

Champagne.

Followed by “Yappy Hour” at MaxTamara’s 75th & Paws (every Tuesday from 7-8PM). In the above picture, Virgil is the one on the left being extremely ungentlemanly, Cooper is in the center getting a treat from one of the wonderful owners (who are willing to answer any and all questions about training, grooming, etc), and Lucy is the one gazing on longingly. Oh, and the little foxy-looking guy with his tongue sticking out? His name is Bob.

If you own a dog, this is an absolute must-do (just check with your local puppy playgroup in advance to see if there are any size restrictions, and make sure your dog is up-to-date on his or her shots). Not only is it the cutest thing you have ever seen, it’s fantastic for socialization. Even Lucy, who tends to be shy in large groups, got completely into it and was running around in ecstatic circles within five minutes of arrival.

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I was recently contacted by David Barton Gym to ask me whether I’d be interested in a trial month of membership. Yes, please! I’ve been thinking about joining a gym ever since my trip to Cancun, but didn’t know which one to look at, and…well, I’ve been procrastinating. Now, I’m obviously not particularly in the know about anything gym-related, but when I mentioned David Barton to some friends nearly all of them said something along the lines of “Uh…you’re going to need some better gym clothes.” Apparently the place is quite fancy.

Yes. Yes, it is.

On Tuesday afternoon I stopped by their Astor Place location for a meetup and informational tour with the GM…and man. I mean, maaaaan. It’s wild. My experience with gyms extends to brief stints at the Crunch on 43rd Street (meh) and the Sherman Oaks LA Fitness (yikes), so this was pretty mind-blowing. It looks more like a lounge that I would never be able to get a table at than a fitness center: we’re talking a mirrored disco ball DJ booth, gothic chaise lounges (you know I love those), a dungeon-inspired private Pilates chamber…and (my favorite) black-and-white VELVET WALLPAPER (pictured below in the kickboxing room). Love it (want it). The place is certainly not cheap - about $125/month - but is actually more reasonable than the Equinox on the UES (which costs a completely ridiculous $175/month), and it’s just jaw-dropping…certainly nothing like any gym I’ve ever seen.

Anyway, I’m really excited about and appreciative of this opportunity, and am going to do my best to take advantage of it to the greatest possible extent. I’ve been about ten thousand times busier than usual in the past couple of months, so I think a new workout regimen will go a long way towards giving me some much-needed energy. I also haven’t been feeling fantastic lately - I’m not sleeping well, I’m anxious, and am generally lethargic and a little grumpy - so I think this is a good time to start implementing some changes and taking better care of myself.

So. Resolutions for coming month (with the caveat that I despise resolutions and am usually fairly miserable at sticking to them):

1. Work out 2-3x a week, minimum. This will probably involve 30 minute elliptical sessions while reading Star, but I will try to venture weight-wards on occasion (I hate weights).

2. Take a vitamin every - every! - day. It’s ridiculous how much trouble I have remembering to do this. I will improve.

3. Eat a little less red meat and a little less Kraft mac ‘n’ cheese, and a little more fresh fruit & vegetables.

4. Floss. Just because I have a dentist appointment in a couple of weeks and am already hearing the lecture ringing in my ears.

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